check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
