Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
