i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
