I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
