Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
