I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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