i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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