Nicole vs. Life
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
