I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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