then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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