Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
