He uses pillows to masturbate.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
