I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
