He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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