I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
