why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
