she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
