Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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