you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
