I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
