you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
