Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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