8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
