Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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