Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
