I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
