What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
