And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
