Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
