Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
