I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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