I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
