I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
