your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
