I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
