i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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