i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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