Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I love you.
Bad choice
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