god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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