when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
