i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
