Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So squirting runs in the family.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pooping to opera.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
