I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
