My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
