You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So many bounce houses so little time
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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