I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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