uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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