Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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