Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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