dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
