it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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