my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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