Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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