Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
