I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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