I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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