I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
