My pussy is not your playground.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
