so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize