Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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