Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
