sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
