They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
