Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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