Christians are straight up FREAKS
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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