my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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