I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
