FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
