can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
