i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
