i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
