So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
